When it comes to racism, there are several kinds. First is the blatant, “I hate those sons of bitches” racism we all know and love. This is the type of racism that is just so ingrained in a person that education and training simply don’t help. Maybe one in a thousand of these people will have some life altering experience that changes their perspective, but for the rest of them we may just have to write them off, let them die out, and hope they haven’t been able to breed too many new little hate mongers. I figure after a few more generations we’ll all have some African and some Latino and some Asian and some other stuff in us and we’ll finally just be able to get over it. After all it is pretty hard to hate yourself. It is not impossible of course, but that is a whole ‘nother thing and let’s stick to the topic at hand.

Next is the kind of racism that pretty much all of us have perpetrated at one time or another, in spite of the fact that WE are of course not racist. This is the kind of racism where you just get a bad feeling about someone of another race, or you are nicer to one person than another subconsciously. Is this any better than blatant racism? I’d argue it is, slightly. There is generally no ill intent and I think most people that have noticed themselves doing it have felt bad but just let it go. I think we can all improve ourselves when it comes to this type of racism, and I bet most people would like to do so. From the victim’s perspective however, this is the kind of racism that just weighs you down. After running into it over and over and over again, in spite of its relatively benign nature, it really takes its toll.

Finally, there is just plain ignorance. We’re not talking about bad ignorance, but rather ignorance in the best sense of the word. Ignorance meaning you just don’t know any better. A lot of racism is only racism from the victim’s perspective. From the perpetrator’s perspective, there may have been absolutely no ill intent at all, but rather the perpetrator is blissfully unaware they just dumped a little hate on a fellow human being. It is this type of racism that we aim to illuminate in this article. People that suffer from this type of ignorance are good people that just need more information. We hope to provide that information here. Over time, with the help of the community, we’ll compile some food for thought in the form of a list of things not to do.

How do we combat this most gentile form of racism? Well, it can be tough. If you confront a person head on, they’re likely to take offense. No one likes to be called a racist. While carefully talking to someone about the offense can work, the way we hope to educate is to simply point out the mistakes people make out of ignorance. For an idea of what we’re talking about consider the following examples which we’ll add to over time as contributions come in from members of the community.

“I met this Chinese guy today…” AKA Referring to all Asian people as Chinese

My guess is that at different stages in American history, the term by which all Asians were known has changed. For example, in early stages of American history, there was probably a time when all Asians were referred to as Chinese. Around World War II, I bet just about all Asians were thought of as being Japanese. These days it seems to be “Chinese” again. By referring to all people with whatever the current term is, just because they may look the same to you, you’re robbing them of their identity and scratching away at their very humanity. Is it the same as calling them the “C” word? Of course not, but the feelings it elicits are strong indeed.

I find it hard to believe that someone who refers to all Asians as Chinese does so specifically to hurt them or piss them off. Most likely they simply don’t know that what they’re doing is offensive. Should they know better? Of course they should. But the fact is not everybody “gets it.” If you’re Asian and happen to live in certain places in this world (for example, the midwest United States), you may be the only Asian the perpetrator has ever seen. If you happen to be Chinese, then they may just assume every Asian they meet is Chinese. This situation simply results from a lack of exposure and information and is just the type of thing that this article can help combat. I’m sure right now there is someone sitting out there who has done this very thing saying, “Oops, was that racist?”

“Domo, right?” AKA I know three words of an Asian language (which you may or may not even speak) and you’re Asian, so let me impress you.

Ok, this deserves a little explanation. I see this a lot, but probably the best example happened at my favorite Japanese restaurant. It just so happens that many of the people that work there are actually Chinese. So this guy comes in to pick up his take out order and as he receives his food he says “Domo, right?” Domo means “thank you” in Japanese, so he was saying thank you and at the same time asking if he’d used the right term I guess. Confusion ensued of course, as the person he was interrogating was Chinese and had no idea what he was talking about. Eventually she figured out it wasn't some English word she didn’t know but rather a Japanese word she didn’t know. Go figure. This guy hardly knew any Japanese, never mind the fact that if he knew anything at all, he would have realized by listening to her that she was speaking Chinese to her co-workers.

I’m sure the point is already made, but to put it simply, please don’t learn two words of a language and then try to impress someone with it. It is always a pretty lame thing to do but in this case it was rather offensive in my mind.

“He married a real nice Oriental gal.” AKA Referring to Asian people as “Oriental”

It is hard to believe in this day and age that some people still don’t know this one, but I still hear it said sometimes. I learned the gravity of this one from a girl in college who put it eloquently when she said “I’m not a fucking rug!” I hadn’t called her Oriental, and in fact I was very aware that the correct term was “Asian” but I’d never heard anyone give a reason before and the topic came up so I asked her why. Frankly, I still don’t really get it, but if someone wants to be called Asian, that is A-OK with me. I guess it is because older terms are associated with older, harder, more racist times, and therefore such words elicit harsh feelings. In any event, while it may not always make sense, if you’re not part of the particular group in question then you don’t get a vote. Just get over it and do what they say feels right to them - even if it changes over time and never makes any sense to you.

“Do you know Mr. Kim?” AKA All Asians know each other syndrome

Just because you met a new Asian person and you happen to have met one other Asian person in your life doesn’t mean that the two Asian people know each other. And just because you’re a little uncomfortable because this is only the second Asian you’ve met, doesn’t mean breaking the silence with a bumbling insult is ok. This offense is often compounded by the two Asian people the perpetrator is referring to being of different races, being part of a huge group (e.g. two people that happen to work for the same huge company), or being separated by great distances (like the US and Japan). “Nice to meet you Mr. Tanaka... Oh, you work at Sony? Do you know Jenny Sakamoto?”

“Where are you from?” AKA You’re hot and exotic looking and I can't think of anything intelligent to say.

Ok, asking someone where they’re from seems innocuous enough. But in fact, this is a real doosey for some people, especially Asian women in America. If you’re a non-Asian guy and you like Asian women, please for the love of God read on. The amount of suffering we can stop here is enormous. Ok, here goes. Odds are when you see an Asian girl that strikes your fancy, here is what she’s thinking: “Uh oh, not again. He’s looking at me. Oh, no, he’s just bursting isn’t he. Oh god, mercy please, I can feel the weight of this guy’s stare. I know what’s coming. This guy just can’t wait to ask me where I’m from. And when I say Philadelphia, that won’t be enough. He’s going to have to know where I’m really from. And when I tell him I was born in the US, that won’t be good enough either. He’ll just have to know where my family is from so he can know where I’m really from.” Is this really the reaction you hope to elicit?

My favorite part is when the guy thinks she doesn’t notice he’s sneaking a peak or two (or fifty). I liken it to a child who thinks his Mom can’t see him taking a cookie out of the cookie jar. You know how kids try to do things real sneaky like but in reality it is completely obvious to every adult in the room? This one can also be compounded by the look on the guy’s face when he sneaks his little peaks. Another quick tip gentlemen: You definitely shouldn’t look like what you’d really like to do is lick the girl. That is definitely not a nice clean vibe you’re giving off.

“He didn’t sound Asian” AKA Asian people all have accents.

This one reminds me of one of my favorite Chris Rock jokes. He’s talking about how white people always say Colin Powell “speaks so well.” As if they expect him to sound all ignorant and say something like “I’ma drop me some bombs today.” It isn’t exactly the same thing, but if you’re talking about how an Asian person “didn’t sound Asian” then what exactly are you saying Asian people sound like? Most of the Asian people I know don’t sound any different than anyone else. The suggestion that they are somehow expected to sound different is just another way of saying they’re not really American (in the case of Asian Americans) or that there are no non-native but fluent speakers of English out there. Painful feelings of exclusion run deep with many minorities. Those feelings go back to the days of mean little kids making mean little faces and last a lifetime.

“Do you like Black music?” AKA Do you like hip hop?

Ok, I’ve beat up on the white people enough. Japanese people, this one is for you: be careful about saying absolutely anything that refers to the Black race as a whole. I’ve heard Japanese people refer to things like “Black music” that had me fearfully scanning the crowd for any Black people within earshot. I know my Japanese friend who asked me if I “liked Black music” had absolutely no bad intent, and in fact had a rather intense interest. She just didn’t realize the words she chose were not appropriate. Foreign languages are always difficult and I don’t think any non-native speaker should be expected to master all the nuances, especially those related to race. However, be warned that this is an area where it is easy to choose the wrong words and end up offending someone.

My understanding is that in Japanese, often times simpler words are used, with nuances understood so “Black music” might seem like a fine thing to say. However, in the US we like to create euphemisms and make everything politically correct and more complicated than it needs to be. We don’t always look at the context and body language and intent of the speaker. Not everyone will understand that you meant no harm.

“Is that your friend?” AKA Assuming the only other person in the room of your race is your friend.

This is really another variation on “Do you know Mr. Kim?” If a room is mostly filled with people of one race and there are two people of a different race, that doesn’t necessarily mean they are friends. Saying something that implies they are is not only ignorant, but can be quite offensive. This is something that happens to minorities all the time in the US. What is kind of funny is that it happened to me in Japan. Well I guess it wasn’t so much funny as it was eye-opening. In fact, if it happened to me eight thousand times over the course of thirty years it probably would have been downright annoying. In any event, this was experience number one for me and I found it funny.

I was sitting in a club in Shibuya one night and thought I was the only foreigner in a sea of Japanese people. I was really excited when a young woman came over to talk to me, but was shocked by her opening line, “Is that your friend?” she said as she pointed across the room at the only other white person in the club. I didn’t get the slightest feeling that she meant anything bad by it, or that she even realized what she was asking was a bit ridiculous. Frankly, I was so shocked at the experience that the memory of the light bulb going off in my head blocks out the rest of the memory. I don’t really even know how I reacted, but I think I just politely said “No” and let it go.

Your Story Here… Note: this is what we call a “community article.” Community articles are written by an original author, but are meant to be extended by the community at large. Typically the original author sets the stage and asks for supporting stories or examples from you. So if you have something to add, please contact us. C’mon, if you have lived in or visited the United States, chances are you’ve either experienced or perpetrated something that would add value to this article. Please share!